It has been too long since my last blog post, but I honestly have not known what to write about. Life is hard right now. I never, ever thought I would be going through a divorce, but here I am – thinking about who gets what and wondering if (after more than 20 years of marriage) that was originally mine or if it was his. Quite frankly, it sucks!! While this is my reality, I do not want my blog to be negative or depressing. This is partly because (I never thought I would say this) I love writing!! Well, I love writing if there is no formatting involved and I am not trying to answer four specific questions with each answer being between 100-200 words or if I don’t have to come up with 4 pages, double-spaced on why I believe this or that. Yes, I am a student and although I have to do a lot of writing for homework, it is NOT the same! J Writing my blog has turned into something I really enjoy and I do not want that to change. The other and bigger reason why I don’t want my blog to be negative is because negativity does not encourage a positive outlook and I want to have a positive outlook on life. I want to be the kind of person people are glad to see and not the kind where people duck and run so they don’t have to listen to me recite my list of woes, or write my list of woes as would be the case in a blog. Because I aspire to be the kind of person who brings hope and encouragement to those who are struggling, I look for hope and encouragement in the situations and people around me. When you go looking for “good” you can find it; here are some of the good things I have found recently.
~I recently had coffee with a friend and we talked about many things – kids, housecleaning, and struggles with weight – it was a conversation made up of the ordinary things that make up our lives; the mundane that becomes precious in light of the “C” word. My friend is a cancer survivor.
~I sat in church Sunday, as did billions of people around the world, rejoicing that there is life after death! In my case I have not gone through a literal death, but the death of the life I knew, had dreamed of, and worked hard to keep. How encouraging to realize that this is not the end for me.
~ When I went to church this Sunday I was greeted with hugs from friends, special friends that I have known since college. They are in their own valley right now grieving, as so many parents do, the choices and decisions of their children. Yet I watched them sing and smile and reach out to others around them. In their own hurt they were giving. And most importantly, I watched them hold tight (figuratively) to each other.
~I was able to hang out with my niece, Kaylee, this weekend. We watched The Muppets together (again) and had a great time being silly! She thought the “Mahna Mahna” from the Muppets was funny so I would do the “Mahna-mahna” and she followed with “Du-du-di-du-du.” In the course of our time together she told me I was the most beautiful person ever and that “I rock!” Ok, so she is 6. I hope when she is 14 she still thinks that about me. But if not, I will still remember how great it felt to receive affirmation from a child.
I was recently reminded of this scene from the movie, The Two Towers and was struck by the truth spoken.
Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.
There are many days I feel like Frodo and feel like I can’t do this – all this that is ahead of me. And like Sam said - it IS ALL wrong, many of us should not be going through the situations we find ourselves in. But a new day does come; the shadow does pass. And when the sun shines, I don’t know if it really shines out clearer, or if we appreciate the brightness and clarity more because of the darkness we have experienced. There IS good in this world, and it is worth looking, seeking, searching for, grasping, clinging, holding onto, and keeping by whatever means necessary.
