The End...

I catered today. A small, but profitable, part of my job is catering private events on the weekends. These events are usually fun and the extra money is nice, so I don’t mind doing it. Today was no exception. But today was also bittersweet. Today I catered a baby shower. The young mother-to-be was beautiful, the young couple has been happily married for a year, and the family exuded joy and excitement. It was really special to watch as everyone helped decorate the café and get ready for the shower. They were an easy family to like and plied us with delicious Italian cookies, which we happily accepted.

But I couldn’t help but wonder as I watched today…what will the years bring to them? Will they make it through job changes, moves, and mid-life crisis? What about money problems, sickness and death – will they grow stronger when the challenges of life hit them, or will the challenges divide and conquer? I have talked to my dad about this. He is a pastor and has married hundreds of couples including all of his kids. And he has expressed feeling the same thing as he stands before couples on their wedding day – will they make it?

Life is hard and some days are heartbreaking. And when life gets difficult it is easy for the difficulties to obstruct our vision in such a way that we forget the good things. And sometimes we forget that there were good things. And that is the place I found myself today. The ending of my marriage was so hard I forgot that there were good things - like my kids, that happened during those years. I forgot the joy and anticipation I felt when I was pregnant with my kids. I forgot how much fun it was to watch their personalities develop and laugh, without them knowing it, at some of the things they did. My children were and are such a joy to me.

It is normal for us to remember the last thing that happened. The last thing we learned in math class, the last song of a concert, and the last chapter in the story. And it is okay to walk away disappointed if the last of whatever is unsatisfying.  But we shouldn’t let the last become all. What I mean is we should not let the end of the story be the whole story because it is not the whole story. And an end may be the cessation of one thing, but it is also marks the beginning of something new.

Although catering was hard, it was good to be reminded of other parts of my story. And in remembering the good parts I realized there will be good parts again. 

 

Chances!

It is March already – I am not sure how that happened. Supposedly time flies when you are having fun and I know that is true. But time also flies when life is busy, and my life has been busy! Two college classes one of which was horrible (that class is over), working 30 plus hours per week, and drama that I did not want or need, but have had to deal with anyway. I had gotten a little dragged down by everything. So when I turned my calendar to March and saw the picture I was surprised and encouraged.

“TAKE A CHANCE – TAKE AT LEAST ONE”

I do not consider myself to be a take a chance kind of person. I consider my options carefully. I consider the pros and cons and possible outcomes of different actions and then proceed cautiously. At least I used to. But things change. And I have changed. And as I read those words I suddenly became excited  - it was time for me to consider taking some chances!

So what kind of chances will I take? Well, after much discussion and encouragement from my son I have decided to get a couple of tattoos. Small ones – don’t look for any snakes or dragons on me. But I am still ridiculously excited about this and have my appointment scheduled for the end of March.

 

I found a Master’s program that looks like something I will love! It is a Master of Arts program in Integrative Theology from London Theological Seminary (yes, the one in England). I found out today that since this is a brand new major they are going to allow one student to get the degree for free. You have to write a 1000 word essay and it has to be chosen by their judges. I have to apply in order to submit my resume. And while I can do the entire program online, I could also go live in England… Perhaps this does not seem like a very big chance, but for me it is – you see my future is on the line. So I am going apply, and submit an essay, and see what happens.

I have never made any major trips alone, but this year I plan to go see my son in Hawaii.  I have ALWAYS wanted to go to Hawaii, so this is a pretty big deal.

There are a few other things I have planned… I am not going to mention what they are as they are very personal. They may show up in my blog and they may not. But the point is I am thinking outside of my box. I am thinking differently. Bigger. It is not that I will stop considering the pros and cons and options. But sometimes the biggest PRO is being able to look back and say, “I did not let my fears stop me. I did it! Or at least I tried.”

Life is too short - I intend to live!