Late to the Game

So, it’s #watchathinkinWednesday and this week I am thinking about how I am always running behind. Not as in late, but as in finding the cool thing years after everyone else. Like songs – I haven’t always been crazy about country music, but last year I heard a song that I loved. I looked it up and yup, https://youtu.be/8PvebsWcpto 10 years old. The movie Tombstone is 30 years old and when did I first see it? Three years ago, hmmm, and yes, I initially watched under duress only to discover that wow – everyone else was right! Go figure. It is the same for this book I am currently reading.

A friend suggested the book  – he thought the message would resonate and it does. I mentioned the book to my cousin last week and guess what? Yeah, she has already read it, but since it came out in 2015, I guess I am not surprised. 

 

Always late to the game? No, I don’t feel like I am – I am happy to get to the game whenever I arrive. I have been late a lot and yet, I am right on time for me. If I would have read the book when it came out, I wouldn’t have gotten out of then what I am getting out of it now.

 

So, maybe I am late to the game, but at least I have showed up. 

 

 

Big Changes

Here we are – another Sunday, so another post on #simpleSundays. A couple weeks ago I mentioned my trick of writing down 3 things - 3 things I need to get done once I get home from work to make the most of my time and increase my productivity, and how it is actually working for me. But as I thought about it, I realized there was something pretty important about my 3 things that I didn’t share. 

 

The beginning of December I changed my eating habits drastically. Around Thanksgiving I found a mass in my rib cage and it scared me. I immediately went to see my doctor and she thinks it is a lipoma (fatty tumor and they are benign), and ordered an MRI, which for various reasons hasn’t happened yet. However, the mass and just generally feeling terrible was the motivation I needed to make some necessary changes. I started off following a carnivore diet. Yes, that’s right – meat only, and it turned out to be great place for me to start. 

 I had no idea how food was affecting me, and I feel foolish for admitting that – it seems like such an obvious thing, but when I had food I shouldn’t have eaten and then was depressed for days afterwards, I knew where it stemmed from because there was only one thing that had changed. It was the same with energy levels – eat lots of carbs and I go into nap mode. And that isn’t even considering inflammation and joint aches and pains. 

 

I mention this because if I wouldn’t have changed my eating habits then, I wouldn’t be coming home from work and doing anything except crashing on the couch. I can expect to do something when I get home, because I have more energy to get things done. 

 

I follow more of a Keto diet now, but still with very limited carb intake. I have done a lot of research and take a lot of vitamins and specific supplements to make sure I am supporting my body. Have I lost of lot of weight? Nope, I haven’t. My physical body has had a hard time of it the last few years and healing it, through diet and supplements and gentle exercise, is going to take time.

Yes, I will continue to watch what I eat, I will keep measuring and logging my food, I will keep following a Keto diet because I feel so much better, and because I feel better, I am getting things done! 

Keeping it Simple

 Do you struggle with organization? I didn’t used to, but a bum hip for a couple years, and a husband who needed both knees replaced, and yup, the house got out of control. When you add that to working, helping out with my grandkids, and being involved with family and it’s hard to know how to catch up. 

 

I will admit to sometimes being an impulse buyer and one Saturday while grocery shopping, I saw a calendar-planner and bought it. I had no idea what I was going to do with it, but lofty dreams of order amidst chaos hooked me, so I brought it home and stuck it in my purse. 

Monday morning, after getting to work, I grabbed it, got my cup of coffee and opened it up to see how inspiration would hit me. I suppose it was partially being frustrated at being at work and having so much to do at home – I am never so motivated to work around my house as when I am at work. 😂 But I realized this little planner could help. I decided I would start writing down 2 or 3 things that I wanted to get accomplished when I got home and see if I could get those things done. Now there were some criteria: 

 

1.     It had to be a quick task – able to be completed is a few minutes – no longer than 10.  

2.     It had to help my overall goal of household organization – I tend to get sidetracked easily and can get lost organizing my drawers, which is great, but not obviously needed.

3.     If it doesn’t get done, there’s always tomorrow.

 

That was it. 

 

The things that get done are crossed off, and anything that doesn’t get done moves to the next day. And I found, after a couple days, that some afternoons when I got home, there was something else that also really needed to get done, so I would do that, but I added it to my list, to help remember what I actually accomplished. 

 No guilt, no pressure, no long projects. 

 

It is so simple, but has been incredibly helpful in my organization and productivity. My biggest project right now is a mess – literally overwhelming. I can’t tell you how many times I have walked into that room to start working and walked back out because I didn’t know where to start. In scheduling my tasks, I have focused on that room and while it is still pretty bad, this method is helping me restore order, one quick, focused task at a time. 

 

A Voice

Do you know anyone that every word out of their mouth seems so rich with wisdom? I look forward to those conversations and walk away feeling enriched and encouraged. And sometimes, those conversations happen through books. Even though I don’t know the author, I am able to read their thoughts and experiences and learn from what they have shared. 

I constantly question and even hesitate to share my thoughts on different topics because with all of the amazing people out there who have so much intelligence, wisdom, and more diverse experiences, and with all that has been written and already said, what could I possibly add? I find myself wondering if I have something worth saying. 

 

I am working to step up my social media presence (yes, it is a strategy), so to do that I need to do more posts, which means more sharing – hence my wondering if my thoughts and writings add value to peoples lives. So, after some consideration on my part, I am going to share what my answers are to this question. 

 

1.     I have a voice. There are people all over the world who aren’t allowed to share their thoughts and opinions, and there have been times in my life where I was forced to be quiet. Since I am in a place where I can share what I think, it feels wrong not to. 

2.     I have a writing style. If you were to ask me to name it, I couldn’t. But it may be that my expression and phrasing and the nuances of my writing may be the exact right way to communicate something that someone else needs to hear. 

3.     Repetition  - There are lots of ways to say the same thing and sometimes people have to hear something lots of times before they get it. Some of the things we need to talk about -  well, they need to be said by everyone who is willing to say them, so that at some point, in some way,  everyone understands.

This is why. I am stepping out hesitantly – not pretending to myself or anyone else that I have startling new insights, but hoping that in what I share someone finds something that speaks to and encourages them. 

 

Woman to Woman

Autumn. I love autumn!! It is a season of change, of vibrant colors—a season of cooler temperatures that bring out true colors. So often in life the seasons mirror inner changes that are taking place or that need to take place, and that is where I have found myself. My life is changing; my season in life is changing and it is time to let go of more old things—my green—so my inner colors can finally show.

I have let go of many things, actual and emotional, over the past several years and some of them I have shared with those who read my blog. However, this last thing has been especially difficult as I have a strong sense of personal loyalty, and when that is breached I struggle with, “Why?” Why would you do to someone else something that caused you so much pain? Why would you do/say those things? Why, why, why…. I have gone there before and the cycle and struggle are real. The “why”s, the anger, the rehashing events, and finally leaving it because the anger is unproductive, but not truly letting it go.  This time is different.

Our society is up in arms right now over comments made by a man about women, and I agree, we should be upset. It is deplorable that any human being would talk about other human beings so degradingly. But, to me, it is significantly more horrifying when a woman degrades another woman by comments or behavior.  As women we know what gender bias feels like. How it feels to be considered a lesser human being – less smart and less capable because of being a woman.  We know how it feels to be passed over because we aren’t men, and how horrible it feels to be thought of as less desirable because of our clothing or breast size and to be rejected for those same reasons. It is inexcusable for a woman or women to do this to another woman.

This time as I wrestled with those why questions, instead of rehashing all of those old events I thought about my daughter, a strong, beautiful woman with strength of conviction who walks in grace. I thought about my mom who lost her parents at 13 and could have allowed herself to become bitter and resentful, but instead took the loss and love she felt for her parents and sister (after whom I was named) and poured that into thousands of college students. I thought of my friend who became my aunt, Barbara, who stood on her own and made her way with strength, integrity, and success in a harsh world. It was a surprise and a blessing when she married my uncle, and she maintains her strength, integrity and success and continues to encourage others.  And my list goes on and on and on.

I realized that I could focus on the hurtful actions of a few women or I could focus on the myriad of AMAZING women God has brought into my life. Women who have fought for their health and even their lives, who have fought for their children, who have fought for their marriages, and who have fought for their emotional wellbeing in a dysfunctional, abusive world. Women who have stood up for the rights and feelings of other women, women who have been strong in a man’s world, women who have refused to make themselves less and instead, have chosen to make others more.

These women didn’t set out to be brave or strong.  In fact, I don’t think that ever entered their mind. They wanted to be faithful, responsible, God-fearing women who took care of their families, enjoyed their friends, and made the most of what was given to them. They were women going through life when life, or people in their lives, threw horrible challenges at them. And in the face of those challenges, they did not waver.

These are the kind of women that came alongside me and hugged me and told me I was doing well when everyone else was telling me I was a mess.  These women encouraged the good in me, spoke to my strengths, loved me, cried with me, prayed with me, and listened without judgment even when it wasn’t easy. Some of them helped me move, gave me money and showed up at my house at 9:30pm when I called them crying. And others have held on tightly as I have, imperfectly, made my way through the healing process. These beautiful, strong women have taken every opportunity to speak life and healing and restoration to me, and others around them.

As for the “why”s and the “how-could-you”s? There is no answer for those questions; no answer that will ever make sense. That’s why this time is different and why I can finally let it go: because the answer doesn’t matter. I didn’t need an answer. It turns out, what I needed was to change my perspective.

My Resolution!

I am often amazed at the beauty of the written word. The ability of a writer to transport you to another time and another place, which doesn’t have to be an actual date or location, but are places that are mile markers in the journey of life.

This morning I came across something I wrote seven years ago that I didn’t remember writing. I was instantly transported back to a season of pain and struggle that turned out to be the turning point of my life. I was reminded of how far I have come, but also surprised to find that the words written then reflect my intentions for my life now.  I have updated it a little and am sharing it below:

I am lacking in perfection

So upon close reflection

Everyone’s perception

Is my flaws.

I spent years accommodating

The demands they were making

And ended up just hating

Who I was.

Then came the realization

All my accommodation

Had won me no commendation

No applause

Always suspecting

Continually correcting

And finally rejecting

My poor sham

No more pretense of perfection

Just being a clear reflection

Based on God’s perception

Of who I am.

Happy New Year!

Shirts!

Life is hard—it just IS. But there are some days you can handle it.

You know what I mean.

There are mornings when you wake up, the bills are paid and there was a little left over, the laundry is done (yup, even put away), the dishes are done too, and that other situation—the one that could have gone either way, and you would have put money on the bad outcome—is peacefully resolved and you came out looking pretty good…

On those mornings, you know it is going to be a good day!  And since your confidence is around 150%, you grab that gorgeous pencil skirt or those pants that make your  _______________, (fill in your body part) look amazing, and you ROCK them!

But then there are the OTHER kinds of days…

 I am pretty sure you know what those days feel like too. You paid the bills, but there wasn’t enough left for food. The mound of laundry has been growing in the hamper. The dirty dishes seem to be multiplying too, and if that wasn’t enough, your back aches and your stomach is all crampy because…yeah, it is THAT time of the month.

It is all you can do to get out of bed, throw on the comfiest pair of jeans you’ve got, a big oversized shirt, and pray that no one dies. 

On days like those, I have two favorite shirts. They are my wearable emotional crutch, my comfort when I can’t drink coffee all day long.

My first favorite shirt is actually a sweater, so it can only comfort me when it is cold out, but I LOVE it! And there is a special story behind it. This sweater belonged to my sister-in-law, Marcy. We lost her a long time ago and, as everyone who has lost someone does, we have moved on but not forgotten her. I still have several things of hers—shirts, a beautiful winter coat, and a quilt—but the sweater is my favorite thing of all. I love the colors, and that it is HUGE, warm, and comforting.

It may sound odd, but when I wear this sweater, I feel like I can exhale—like it is okay for me to be me.

My other favorite shirt is actually a strange story. It is a flannel shirt that I bought as a Christmas gift for my ex-husband. He didn’t like it and never wore it, so it became my shirt. For those of you that don’t know me well, I should explain that I LOVE flannel shirts. I have 6, for now, but I love this particular flannel shirt because it is a man’s shirt, so it is BIG. I can wrap it around me a couple of times and get lost in it. I put it on when I wake up in the morning, and wear it when I have my first cup of coffee. And when I get home from work and am tired and uncomfortable, there’s nothing like grabbing my flannel shirt and wearing it all evening.

It gets worn every day, all year long, and it goes with me when I am traveling. It is my wearable security blanket.

It isn’t cold enough for me to wear my sweater to work yet, but there have been a few days where I have been tempted to wear my flannel shirt, and one of these days, I will. The thing is, the people I work with have no way of knowing these are my safe shirts.

This got me thinking…

I can’t be the only person who has a special shirt or pair of pants for those hard days. And just as other people don’t recognize my special shirts as special, I don’t know when the people around me have their safe shirts on. The solution? I will try and be nice to everyone; for all I know the only thing keeping them together is exactly what is keeping me together – coffee, and my shirt.