ESP?

I think perhaps I missed out on something.  There must have been a class teaching the finer points of communication not involving actual words (ESP – some other form of telepathy perhaps?) that was offered at certain schools throughout the US, or maybe only in certain states, in certain months of certain years.  And it must have been a deep dark governmental secret because I have met many people who, like myself, also missed out on the class.  And if there was no class, then we also missed the memo that words were no longer necessary for communication.  But those of us who missed out seem to be part of the minority, because there are a lot of people out there who think we should just “know” we have done something to hurt their feelings without that being communicated to us.   

Here is an example of what I am talking about.  I know of someone who was talking with a friend and after conversing for several hours found out the friend was upset with them.  When this person found out the other person was upset they said, “Why didn’t you say something?”  The other person responded, “You didn’t ask.”  Really?

In another situation I know of, the person has been angry and offended for more than 20 years and they are growing increasingly angry.  But they have never said anything to the people who they felt hurt them, so they remain angry and the other party has never been given the opportunity to make things right.

The scary thing is these people appear to be reasonably intelligent adults.  There is nothing to indicate this completely illogical approach to human relationships.   How is a person supposed to “know” someone else is upset with them?  If you are around the person a lot then you may be able to pick up some of the non-verbal clues that would indicate something is wrong.  But if you don’t know the person well, and don’t spend a lot of time around them, how are you supposed to know something is wrong?   

Seriously, I don’t understand this approach to relationships.  A relationship, by definition, involves more than one person.  Aren’t both people responsible for how the relationship goes?   

So I have been trying to imagine how to avoid this in the future.  After all, those of you who know me well know that I will be unable to avoid offending someone.  I was thinking that perhaps I should start calling my friends/family/random acquaintances every six weeks or so and apologize for anything I might have said or done that offended them.  Perhaps a mass mailing, or better yet, a Facebook message sent to all my friends...just in case.   Based on that thought, I don’t think I have time for any more friends; I will have a hard time keeping up with the ten friends I have. 

If there is a moral to my venting it is this – it is a sign of respect and a true demonstration of caring to tell someone when your feelings are hurt because of something they said or did.  Your caring enough to bring up the subject demonstrates that you are assuming the best about the other person by giving them a chance to apologize and make things right.   It is not easy – not the confronting or the apologizing.  Life is made up of relationships, relationships make life worthwhile, and most things that are worthwhile are not easy.