Wrestling with God: Walking the Tightrope

 Several months ago I posted a blog about wrestling with God. I thought I was done with that topic, but I have been through a huge change in the last couple of months. I packed up my life in Johnson City, NY, and relocated to Charlotte, NC, where I moved into an apartment. Once again I am searching for employment, and once again I find myself wrestling with God. The longer I wait to get a response from potential employers, the more I wonder if I have done the right thing in moving. I chose Charlotte because I believed God was directing me here. What if I was wrong? This kind of wrestling isn’t connected so much to the reality of God, but rather considers God’s faithfulness. I moved here in faith; will God provide for me now? And so I find myself still wrestling with God.

Sometimes a relationship with God feels like a tightrope: it is hard to maintain a balance. God is, after all, GOD. You know, sovereign, creator, holy––GOD. But He is also a friend, a companion—He wants a relationship with us. If I completely embrace a relationship with God, then sometimes I feel like I am disrespectful of His divinity; but if I focus completely on God as divine being, then He becomes unapproachable and the relational aspect is gone. This struggle between the divine and relational aspects of God brings up a dilemma for those of us who love Him and are trying to walk with Him: what are we supposed to do when God offends us? What do we do when we are struggling with God?  I wish there was a formula I could give you, that doing X,Y, and Z would bring everything back into balance, but it doesn’t work that way. All relationships are unique between the parties involved. It is up to you to figure out how you will handle your relationship with God. What I can tell you from experience, and what I think is the most important aspect of wrestling with God, is that God is okay with our wrestling with Him. In fact, I believe God LOVES it when we wrestle with Him because it tells Him we take the relationship seriously.  

Wrestling, as a sport, is up close and personal. It is not done from a distance. It involves physical contact, looking at the opponent face-to-face. It is impossible for wrestling to be indifferent. It is heated—the people involved are invested in the outcome and biased as to what the outcome should be.  Given these two factors involved in wrestling we can see that wrestling is intensely personal. It is the same when we wrestle with God. We omit the physical element as we cannot actually touch God, but the other components remain the same. We cannot wrestle with God unless there has been closeness in the relationship. When we need or want something from God and we ask, because we are told to ask for what we want from God, it doesn’t always go the way we hope. We care—about our relationship with God, about whatever the issue is, and about how the issue is affecting us. We cannot be indifferent in our wrestling with God. It is personal.

Wrestling gets very complicated and confusing, though, when it comes to the expression of our feelings. This is another one of those tightropes. If God is only a DIVINE being, then we do not have the right to express our feelings. But if God is relational, then communication of both parties’ feelings is essential to the relationship. Here is where it gets tricky. Most relationships are built on rules, and although the rules vary depending on upbringing and life experience, among these rules you usually find the idea of mutual respect, caring, and a balance of honesty and tactfulness. Those of us who have a relationship with God want to maintain a respectful attitude toward God; we get that He is GOD. But sometimes the pain is so excruciating, the hurt and anger so overwhelming that you cannot hold back in expressing how you feel. It isn’t that you intend to be disrespectful or that you are challenging God’s authority, but the emotions are intense and an honest and relational approach to God dictates the need to “let it all out.” It is critical to realize at those times in our life that God can handle the FULL WEIGHT of our emotions. 

To be continued... ;-)