I used to hold back in expressing my feelings to God. I was brought up believing it was a sin to say anything that could be construed as disrespectful, it was a sin to disagree with God, and it was a horrible sin to be angry with God over things that had happened to me. I would think things—mentally carry on conversations, sometimes rants, but not verbalize anything. I am not exactly sure when the light bulb went off, but one day it occurred to me:
God already knew what I was thinking.
If
He were God ONLY then perhaps my thoughts were a sin. But I had already
experienced too much of the relational side of God and it didn’t strike me as
logical for God to want a relationship with me, create me with feelings and
then get mad when, as part of the relationship, I expressed those feelings, so
I began to open up in my conversations with God. I began expressing my anger.
Many
times, in the heat of the moment, it is hard to separate out the emotions
involved in our anger. The secondary emotion behind anger is fear, so while
anger may be an emotion, it is also a defense mechanism; it is how we protect
ourselves. When I first started honestly communicating with God, I railed at
Him. I was hurt and afraid and I thought He should have stopped the things that
happened to me. But something happened as I continued expressing myself. I
began to realize that my anger was misplaced. I don’t think it would be the
same for everyone, but for me, as I expressed how I felt, I was able to sort
through the different emotions involved in my anger. As I sorted through
emotions, I was able to let go of them and see things more rationally. With
rational thought came the realization that some of my feelings were not
logical. When I realized my feelings lacked validity, I knew I had to
reevaluate some of the things I thought I knew about God.
Little
rabbit trail here… Yes, I know feelings are not logical and I don’t expect them
to be logical. I also know feelings are not right or wrong; it is
what we do about how we feel that is right or wrong. But I think we do
ourselves, and those around us, an injustice in NOT evaluating our feelings for
validity. We miss an opportunity for personal growth!
When
people hurt, they look for an outlet for their pain, and they tend to look for
a person to blame. They lash out in an effort to find relief. Some people point
a finger at an individual and many people point a finger at God. I also felt,
when I started honestly talking with God, like somehow He was responsible for
what happened to me. I know God is sovereign, all knowing, and all-powerful,
and I know He has and does intervene in miraculous ways to help those who
follow Him. But what do you do with the times when you prayed and asked God to
intervene and nothing happened? Does that mean that God failed? Is it a
betrayal in some way? In evaluating God’s sovereignty and miraculous
intervention, I realized that there were three assumptions I had to consider:
God did nothing to help me, God is responsible for my pain, and God should have
stopped the other person from hurting me.
Let’s
consider these statements.
1.
God did
nothing to help me. This belief is responsible for many people walking away from
God. But upon closer reflection, it is actually rather arrogant. How do we know
God did nothing to help us? Can I state with absolute certainty that God did
nothing to help me? The reality was and is that there are many things that
happen on this earth every day that we know nothing about. In order for us to
state unequivocally that God had done nothing, we would first have to know everything that God is doing. So I may feel
like God has done nothing to help me, but, regardless of the situation, that
does not make it the truth.
2.
God is
responsible for my pain. The fact that God did not stop the people who hurt us, does
not indicate that God endorsed their actions. In evaluating my specific
situations and evaluating how God feels about sin, I know that God
wanted the people that hurt me to behave differently. Each of those individuals
were given numerous opportunities to do the right thing, to walk away from the
sin; in each situation the person or people made a choice. God’s ultimate power
and authority does not lessen the personal responsibility of the people making
the choices. Because I know that someday we will all answer for our actions, I also realized that, while they may or
may not face any consequences here and now for their actions, ultimately they
will answer for their choices.
3. God should have stopped the other person from
hurting me. As I consider this thought now, it amazes me that we put this on God.
Most people are offended with God because of what He considers sin and because
of what the Bible says we should and shouldn’t do. When we put this idea on
God, we are expecting God to let us do what we want while he stops other people
from doing what they want. We want to be free, but we don’t want others to be
free. We can’t have it both ways.The final part will be posted next week...
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