My "Thanksgiving" List!

It is June, Memorial Day is behind us and in Charlotte it feels like summer. This is my first North Carolina spring, which means the weather got warmer earlier than I am used to, but I am okay with this. When I moved to Charlotte, I left behind some special people. I knew it was time to start over, and I picked Charlotte, but I honestly didn’t expect to like Charlotte as much I do. Perhaps it is because this is the first time in years that I feel like I have a home, or perhaps it is because my fresh start is actually a reality.

Regardless of the reason, I have been thinking about the things I am thankful for. The longer I live the more I realize that my life is made up of beautiful, small things. And the fact that I haven’t included my parents, my brothers, my kids, and all of the other usual stuff on my thankful list doesn’t mean I am not thankful for them; it means I am looking past the big things and looking for God in the small stuff. This may seem like an odd time to post a thanksgiving list, but as many of you know, I don’t exactly adhere to the “norm,” so here is my thanksgiving list :

1.     That first sip of coffee in the morning – Life is uncertain and constantly changing, but coffee is a constant and is a reassuring start to my day.

2.     The softness of my favorite blanket – I have a favorite blanket that I love to use for naps and to curl up under when I am sitting on the couch. I bought it when I got my very first apartment on my own and it comforts me in a way I cannot explain.

3.     Being up early enough to watch the sunrise. – Watching the sky lighten and turn beautiful shades of orange and pink reminds me that God is present in this world and in my life.

4.     Text messages – Call me crazy, but I love getting text messages from people. It means they are thinking about me.

5.     Books that are like old friends – These books are the books I pull out when I want to read something but don’t want any surprises. Most of my “go to” books are fictional with great stories and an uplifting message. My two favorites are “If I Gained The World” by Linda Nichols and “The  Testament” by John Grisham.

6.     Really loud music (It would maybe more like LOUD!) Right now the song is “Brother” by NeedToBreathe.

7.     Flannel sheets (yes, it got cold enough in Charlotte to use flannel sheets.)

8.     Conversations over coffee – Maybe it is my imagination, but conversation over coffee has an intimacy to it that conversations without coffee lack.

9.     Hugs – They really do help put all the broken pieces back together.

10. Being called Sweetie, Darlin’, Honey - It’s a southern thing.

11. TV show marathons – It makes me SOOO happy to turn on USA and find out that NCIS is on all day!

12. Movie nights with friends – Movies are always better shared.

13. Cookie dough – I made cookie dough for my kids when they were growing up. It reminds me of them and things I shared with them when I make it now for myself.

14. New friends – My old friends are special and irreplaceable, but I have made some new friends that are expanding my horizons, challenging me, and making my life full and rich. I am so thankful for them!

15. Facetime with my kids – Technology is cool and I love that I can see my son or daughter and they can see me while we talk on the phone.

16. Compliments  - There is nothing like a genuine compliment to help you feel better about yourself.

This is really just the tip of the iceberg as I have many reasons to be thankful. But I think it bears saying that having an “attitude of gratitude” or being thankful is a trait that is cultivated.  You don’t just have it – you choose it. While the big things - the job, house, or spouse -  are pretty important, the quality and scope of a person’s life––my life––cannot be measured by those alone.  Life and God are found in the small things.

“Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain.”

By Rob Thomas from the movie Meet The Robinson's

A Random Occurence

Most of you know I like music. Perhaps like is not a strong enough word. Music is necessary to life. It is life. Sometimes I wish there was a way to take music intravenously.

That is what music is to me.

Because of this, there is always music playing in my van or in my house, (except when I am doing homework because I am one of those people who needs it to be quiet when I have to think.) and it is generally Christian music. When I am driving I cannot always find a Christian radio station, or the ones I can find are fuzzy (which I can’t stand) so I have a number of CD’s that are always in my van. That way I have a nice variety of music even without Christian radio.  I recently purchased several of the WOW Christians music CD’s because it is a nice mix of popular songs that I like sung by a variety of artists. My usual “MO” is when I find a song I like, it gets repeated several (okay—like 25—or more) times in a row. Since I like the song and I am usually by myself in the van, this works for me!

One of the songs on one of the WOW CD’s I bought is a song by Colton Dixon called “More of You.” I have listened to this song probably a couple of hundred times by now. Here are some of the lyrics:

Verse 1 –

I made my castle tall


I built up every wall


This is my kingdom and it needs to fall


I want you and no one else


Empty me of myself


Until the only thing that's left is



More of You


Less of me


Make me who I'm meant to be


You're all I want all I need


You're everything


Take it all

I surrender


Be my king
God I choose


More of You and

Less of me


I need more of you


More of you.

Verse 2 –

This life I hold so close


Oh, God I let it go


I refuse to gain the world and lose my soul


So take it all I abandon everything I am


You can have it


The only thing I need is…

I identify so strongly with the words of the song. I had built a fortress with very high walls to protect myself from being hurt; it was a hard reality to discover that the walls I had built to keep other people out also kept God out. And I know I could never be happy if I gained everything the world considers important and forfeited my relationship with God. So the words, the intro, and the overall rhythm and sound of the song—yeah, I love all of it! And when I listen to the song I have to have it…well…LOUD.  

Anyway, as I have driven around the last couple of days that song has been on repeat in my van. Yesterday on my way home from work I stopped and did some shopping.

I needed to go to Target for a few things, but then they didn’t have one of the things I needed, so I went to Lowe’s when I was done with Target because I knew they would have it. I had my music cranked, as always, as I parked in the Lowe’s parking lot.

 As I got out of my car, a lady across the parking lot said, “I love that song.”

I was startled and looked at her only to realize she was talking to me. I was surprised and said, “The song I was listening to? You heard that?” (Yes, not one of my brighter comments.)

She replied that yes she had heard the song and has not met very many people who listen to that type of music. So there in the Lowe’s parking lot and walking into the store, a random stranger and I had a talk about Christian music. I told her about the WOW CD’s I had purchased so I would always have good music available. She mentioned she likes Matt Redman’s “10,000 Reasons,” and Sidewalk Prophets.

I have never had anything like that happen to me before, but in those couple of minutes that we talked, the fatigue of my week—the fact that I was there to buy a plunger because one of my toilets was not flushing properly, my disastrous final project for my online class, and job concerns—all of those things faded into the background as we connected over music.

What seemed like a random event to me was not random at all, because with God there are no random events. It was a divinely orchestrated moment in the span of eternity—a moment where God connected two strangers who were able to encourage each other simply because we both love the same song. And the reality is, if I had not been BLASTING the music in my van, this other lady would have never heard the song.

I hope my music is not the only thing in my life that is loud; I hope I live my life LOUDLY, so other Christians know they are not alone.  And so non-Christians wonder why I am different. 

Here is a link to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYXjXi8PtzQ 

Can You Help Me Find My Dream Guy?

Most of you know I am single, and if you didn’t know – I am single. I have lots of Facebook friends who are young college students and my newsfeed has been full of engagement notifications. Also, my niece has been talking about the list of qualifications she has for her potential mate, and I realized that I have no list. I am completely unprepared for another man to walk into my life. I don’t like to be unprepared, so I have considered and am presenting a list of qualifications for my ideal man.

1.     No Duck Dynasty beards. None. To be clear though, I am okay with facial hair. In fact, I love well-trimmed mustaches and beards, but I don’t understand the fascination with having a bush on your face. So yeah, no big, bushy beards.

2.     He should wear flannel shirts, and be okay with me borrowing them. In fact, he should be okay with me borrowing ANY of his shirts and should NOT complain when they smell like perfume.

3.     It would be better if he doesn’t like coffee very much – this way I don’t have to share and we don’t have to buy our own coffee plantation.

4.     NCIS should be acceptable with occasional NCIS marathons. If this is not acceptable, he can expect to be Gibb slapped.

5.     He should be able to tolerate Skillet. I am not asking him to like Skillet—that would be nice but we have to keep the qualifications reasonable. Still, every now and then he may come home and Comatose or Awake and Alive will be blasting from the kitchen. He should be okay with this. And the honest truth is: if he can handle Skillet, he will probably be okay with the other music I listen to.

6.     I like movies where Bruce Willis or Denzel Washington are using guns, and movies where Pierce Brosnan may be singing, and movies where Colin Firth looks dashing in a tuxedo. He should also be okay will all of this.

7.     Seriously - the toilet seat must be put down. Falling into the toilet in the middle of the night could result in death, or at least, serious injury – for him.

 This is, obviously, not an exhaustive list but I think it gives me a good starting point without resorting to cliché standards such as hair color, age, or income. At some future point I may need to add to my list – I mean, we haven’t even talked about The Princess Bride, stuffed animals, or the topic of laundry. Overall though, I feel so much more prepared!

So, do you know anyone who meets these qualifications? Interested applicants should go to www.mysonisamarine.com! Hahaha!

The Midwives Story

You may have noticed, I talk about the Bible A LOT in my blog. It is the one book I could not live without. And while many people prefer the New Testament, I love the Old Testament. There are so many neat stories in the Old Testament. I know, there are stories in the New Testament as well, but I love the contrast in the Old Testament of stories like Jacob falling in love with Rachel and being in conflict with Laban at the same time. Seriously, who needs reality TV? Second, I am a people person. I am very relational, and the Old Testament is all about God relating to people, which includes the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of relationships. Lastly, God related to people so differently in the Old Testament. Moses is described as a friend of God and spoke with him face to face. How cool is that!

One thing I sometimes forget while reading the stories is that they were about real people. The stories give us facts of a story, but it is easy to forget that there were people and feelings behind the facts. Sometimes we pick up instinctively on the feelings behind the facts, like the fear Queen Esther felt before approaching King Xerxes, or the sadness Abraham felt when commanded to sacrifice his long-awaited son. Other times, the facts are given with such brevity that their meaning can be lost. Take, for example, Exodus 1:21 which says, “Because the midwives respected God, He blessed them with families of their own.” I have come back to this verse again and again over the course of several years. It always makes me wonder, what was the story behind it?

I have to imagine these midwives were girls/women not unlike myself. Perhaps they were unmarried and realized they weren’t as pretty as some of the other girls. Did they wonder if something was wrong with them? Did they pinch their cheeks to make them pinker or bite their lips to make them redder? Did they look for ways to lose or gain weight? Was there someone they wished would notice them? Did they have to suffer through the pain and humiliation of watching him pick someone else to marry and hope that no one guessed how they felt?

These midwives were obviously not weak women. When Pharaoh questioned them as to why they had disobeyed him and allowed the boy babies to live they answered the most powerful man in their world. They may have been afraid, but they still answered him. Maybe, the fact that these girls were strong and pursued some kind of profession was a deterrent to their desire to be married.

Perhaps the women were married and were unable to have children. They were trained to help; their job and their commitment to God required that they pour their effort into helping women give birth and ensure healthy moms and babies. Did they feel as I have felt – asked to give to others what they desired for themselves?  Were they sad and discouraged as they watched not only what Pharaoh was doing to their people, but also saw that their prayers for others were answered even as their prayers for themselves were not?

You see? If we don’t stop to wonder about the feelings behind the story we miss the message of the verse. Behind the facts of the story were real people – real women with real feelings. The times and the customs may have been different, but feelings transcend culture and time. These women, single or married, were missing something in their lives, something that probably hurt. To gloss over their feelings or treat them lightly is to miss the point of Exodus 1:21. God saw their need and He heard the cries of their heart. God cared!! God cared and God answered.

This verse is one small verse crammed in the middle of a HUGE story. While scholars disagree on the actual number of Israelites, there is no argument: there were a lot of them. All of the adult population must have been crying out to God for relief and deliverance. How is it that in the middle of handling Pharaoh and rescuing His people, the desires of a couple of women got God’s attention? How can it be that in a world full of troubles and difficulties, with billions of people crying out to Him for deliverance and relief, God knows the pain I feel and hears the cries of my heart?

Mordecai: Best Supporting Actor or Leading Man?

I haven’t blogged in a while – ten hour days 6 days a week don’t leave much time for thinking no less writing. With the onset of the New Year, I am going to try and get back to some writing, but until I get some things written I am sharing something I wrote last year. While finishing up my BS in Religion, I thought and prayed, long and hard, about a Master’s program. I was already accepted into the program I am now part of, but I seriously wanted and considered a Theology program. I found out that the London School of Theology was starting a brand new program called Integrative Theology dealing with the intersection of faith with real life. To kick off the program they were having an essay contest and if your essay was chosen as the winner, you attended school for free. I decided I had nothing to lose and the possibility of a free degree, so I wrote an essay. Since the essay had to be written about integrating theology with a secular job such as public leadership I decided to write about someone who, in my opinion, did an amazing job of integrating faith with his job. Mordecai is one of my favorite men from the Bible. And while his story is told in the book of Esther, there would have been no Esther, person or book of the Bible, without Mordecai.  I did not win the essay contest, but I was pleased that my essay stood out among the many and was shortlisted. Here is the essay I submitted to the London School of Theology for their consideration.

Integrative Theology Is the Future

Theology is thought by many to be a subject primarily for pastors or missionaries. Their jobs require them to be familiar with the character and person of God. They are often questioned regarding the purposes or will of God, they are asked for Godly wisdom and advice, and they teach great truths about God. They need to know about God. In America it is estimated that less than 20% percent of people[1] go to church on a regular basis, so a majority of the population does not get anywhere close to a pastor. Even with technological advances there are not enough missionaries to reach the unchurched in America, no less the rest of the world. But besides salvation, with the lack of knowledge about God, how is society to be influenced for God? Society is influenced for God when those of us who are Christians, and are not pastors or missionaries, take our beliefs and convictions to the workplace. If Christians are the hands and feet of the church then they are the ones taking God into society, so it seems as though perhaps regular Christians, not just pastors and missionaries, need to know about theology as well. This would be especially important for someone in a position of public leadership. A Christian in a public leadership position has many opportunities to influence people, businesses, and even nations for God. We see several examples in Scripture of leaders who brought about civil, moral, and even national change in their positions of leadership, but in this essay we are going to consider Mordecai, prominent leader and cousin to Esther, who became Queen and wife of King Xerxes of Persia.

Mordecai was a Jew who was from the tribe of Benjamin. (Esther 2:5) We know from the Scriptural text that earlier generations of Mordecai’s family had been taken from their home in Jerusalem and brought to Babylon by Nebuchadnezzar. Esther 2 indicates that Mordecai was a cousin of Esther and he had adopted her as both of her parents had died. Nothing is said of Mordecai’s religious beliefs, however, the many accounts of his behavior and character throughout the book of Esther lead me to believe that Mordecai, like Daniel, another well-known Jewish captive, had a strong faith in God.

It was not a single act Mordecai did that changed the lives of the Jews living in the provinces controlled by King Xerxes; it was his entire life. It has been said that true character is revealed by how a person acts when no one is watching. Even when no one was looking at Mordecai, his life was an example of discretion, discernment, and integrity. Mordecai, being the observant and aware man that he was, knew the character of Xerxes. While it is likely that Mordecai was not in attendance at the banquet (1:4), he would have heard the story of Xerxes’ command to Vashti (1:11) and her refusal to be paraded in front of the drunken citizens of Susa. (1:12) He knew that Xerxes, in his insecurity and pride, had not considered Vashti’s vulnerability. It is not surprising then that when Esther was taken to the palace, Mordecai advised her to keep her ancestry a secret. (2:10) And even though he knew the king’s true character, Mordecai did not stay silent when he overheard the plot to take the king’s life. He knew that if the king were killed, then Esther would likely be killed too. So he spoke up saving the life of Xerxes and the life of Esther, the girl he had raised as a daughter. (2:15)

While Esther is credited with saving the nation, and it was no small thing she did, in reality, Mordecai saved the nation. It was he who had always acted with such wisdom and discernment that Esther, even when she was queen, (2:20) still followed his instructions. It was through Mordecai that Esther found out about the edict permitting her people to be annihilated (4:8) and it was Mordecai that counseled Esther as to her course of action with the king. After Esther expressed her fear at going before the king unannounced, Mordecai reminded her that she would not escape death just because she lived in the palace. He told Esther that, “relief and deliverance would come for the Jews,” and perhaps this was why she had been made queen. (4:13-14) Mordecai’s response to Esther mirrors the response of some other well-known Jewish captives who told their king whether by life or death, their God would save them from the king’s hand. (Daniel 3:17) Those captives were willing to die to obey God just as Esther stepped out in faith and obedience by saying, “If I perish, I perish” (4:16)

The linchpin in the Jews victory over their enemies is found in Esther 9:3-4 where it says,

 “And all the nobles of the provinces, the satraps, the governors and the king’s administrators helped the Jews, because fear of Mordecai had seized them. Mordecai was prominent in the palace; his reputation spread throughout the provinces, and he became more and more powerful.” (9:3-4)

I don’t believe Mordecai set out to be a powerful person; I believe Mordecai was trying to be faithful – faithful to his God, his family, and himself. And because Mordecai was faithful in a few things, he ended up being put in charge of many things. (Matt. 25:21) Mordecai was given the king’s signet ring and was second only to King Xerxes, (8:2) he was held in high regard by the Jews, (10:3) high-ranking Persians, (9:3) and is remembered as working for the good of his people. (10:3) Mordecai was not a rabbi or a priest. He was an ordinary man, a Jewish captive in a foreign land, who brought his faith into the workplace and literally changed his world.

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[1] http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/139575-7-startling-facts-an-up-close-look-at-church-attendance-in-america.html

 

A Yankee Girl Down South!

I moved to North Carolina from New York State this summer and, although I knew it would be different, it has proven to be different in unexpected ways. Sure, I was expecting the accent and the heat, but there have been other things that came as a surprise. So, here are some of the unforeseen differences I have noticed since moving south.

1.     If you need to make a left-hand turn into a parking lot you will probably have to drive down the road to the next light and make a U-Turn. It is crazy to Google map something and see the line on the map go past your destination and come back around.

2.     And since we are talking about driving…I have never been so amazed or frustrated or confused in my life: down here, people actually drive UNDER the speed limit. What??? I can be all about the journey…sometimes. But the other times, I need to get there, people!

3.     I love that I can go anywhere – and I mean anywhere, and a get a decent glass of iced tea.

4.     Did you know that the sky is actually blue? I think somewhere in the hidden recesses of my mind I knew it, kind of like I know the world is round, the ocean is deep, Antarctica is cold… You get the idea. Those things are all true, but I have not experienced their reality for myself. I now know for myself that the sky is blue because I have seen it. And blue is a much better color for the sky than grey.

5.     It is October. Sweater weather. Falling leaves. Pumpkin everything. But I have yet to see the beautiful fall colors. This makes me sad, as autumn is my favorite season. My head keeps telling me it is fall, but there are no leaves changing colors, and we have yet to have any cool fall-like temperatures..

6.     I don’t know if this is every city down south or not, but in Charlotte, it seems like there are two streets that will get you anywhere you want to go. For example, I went to a mall today; I had never been there before, and I wasn’t sure where it was or how I would get home—since I went directly there from work. When I Google-mapped directions home, the directions said to get on a particular street. I thought, “I know that street. Could it possibly be the same street I am familiar with?” Yes, it was the same street. And that street seems able to get me anywhere.

7.     Most of the churches down here have a choir in addition to a worship team. I think this is great for many reasons. First, four part harmony is awesome. Also, a choir gives a much larger number of people a chance to participate in the music ministry of a church. Finally, you can really build the dynamic of a song by adding in 50 voices.

8.     The last difference between north and south that I want to mention, and perhaps most important one (in case you didn’t know it already): the south is Biscuit Heaven! Seriously, so many restaurants have awesome biscuits, and biscuits are one of my favorite foods! I suppose this is kind of a mixed blessing.  If I ate every biscuit wanted to eat, I would look like a biscuit. And that wouldn’t be attractive. Biscuits are supposed to be round and fluffy, but people? Yea, not so much.

There are things I really like about living in the south and things I just don’t understand. You are probably wondering, is this northern girl going to turn into a southern girl? Probably not… I don’t know anything about Nascar and I don’t like country music.  

A Gentle and Quiet Spirit: Attempting the Impossible?

I have always struggled with the idea and reality of beauty. Growing up in a culture obsessed by physical appearance, I wanted what every other girl wanted—to be beautiful. As a teenager though, I became confused about beauty. I had a well-intentioned friend who often told me I would look great if I just lost a few pounds. My idea of beauty became linked with how much I weighed. Far more dangerous though was the seed planted that personal, physical perfection was attainable. I felt like such a failure because I never quite made it to perfection; I never measured up to someone else’s idea of beauty.

As I grew in my relationship with God, I realized that I was missing the mark of true beauty by looking at the world’s standards. I then turned to the Bible to see what God had to say about beauty. What I found was both pleasantly surprising, and alarming.

~The first thing I noticed is that the role of women in society defined what society considered beautiful. In Biblical times, a woman’s desirability was defined by her ability to have children.  A strong body, a body capable of bearing multiple children—that was what was important.

~The next thing I noticed was that beauty wasn’t talked about in the same way it is today. Solomon compliments his Beloved by saying, “Your hair is like a flock of goats,” and, “Your eyes behind your veil are doves.” These compliments don’t really translate so well today. (Both verses are from Song of Songs 4.) Checking my commentary shed a little bit of light on these passages and other passages like these from the Song of Songs, but left me unsatisfied as to true beauty.

~ In Genesis, Sarai is called beautiful. Sarai was so beautiful that a couple of kings, in addition to her husband, desired her for themselves. But Genesis never mentions her hair color, her eye color, or how big or small she was. It just says that she was beautiful. A little more information is given regarding Esther. The Bible says, “She had a lovely figure and was beautiful.” A lovely figure - no measurements, size, hair color, no specifics - just “a lovely figure” and “beautiful.” This was both satisfying and unsatisfying. I wouldn’t miss out on true beauty because I wasn’t blond and blue-eyed, but my search for specificity regarding beauty in the Bible remained unsatisfied.

Then, in my searching and studying, I found a passage of Scripture that had some surprising things to say about beauty.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4

On the one hand this was good news. It wasn’t about my hairstyle, and I wasn’t disqualified from being beautiful by not having a lot of valuable jewelry or expensive clothes. It seemed as though at last I was getting somewhere! Beauty that never stops being beautiful is based on something inside me: a gentle and quiet spirit. Gentle? And quiet?

Then I knew I was in trouble.

I am sure you can think of someone you would describe as gentle and quiet. My daughter, Katheryne is someone who I consider to have a gentle and quiet spirit. She would never hurt anyone, even someone she didn’t like. But honestly, there are very few people she doesn’t like. And she is quiet. Even when she is loud she is quiet; her yelling is the equivalent of some people’s talking. I love my daughter and she is someone I consider to be truly beautiful. She has the physical beauty as well as the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. But if you know me and you know my daughter, you know that we are opposites. Everything she is, I am not. I am not usually considered gentle. Plain spoken, honest, sometimes blunt—these words describe me. But gentle? And I don’t come close to quiet. I don’t talk non-stop, and it isn’t that no one else is able to participate in the conversation if I am around, but I can definitely hold up my end of the conversation. What are those of us who are not gentle and quiet supposed to do? Does this mean we can never be truly beautiful?

I left these verses alone for many years; I did not know what to do with them. But honestly, I wasn’t ready for what these verses really meant. I still wanted the A, B, C approach to beauty—weigh this much, wear this size, have this body shape—yup, now I am beautiful. Thankfully, God is not about specific parameters designed to exclude; just as God wants everyone to come to repentance, He wants all women included in beautiful. So God brought me back to these verses the summer after my marriage ended. I was feeling hurt and rejected and everything except beautiful. But I was finally ready to learn what these verses really meant.

I started by looking at the same verse in different translations. “Let your adornment be what’s inside—the real you, the lasting beauty of a gracious and quiet spirit, in which God delights.” This is how The Voice translates this verse. The NASB says, “But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” These translations mention the real you, and the hidden person.  

An adornment is something that decorates, so by definition would be outside—visible. If we are supposed to show on the outside what is hidden inside then true beauty involves transparency. I have to show people the real me: the person that I hide from everyone because I am afraid of my lack of perfection. While many people dislike transparency, for me, permission to be transparent was a welcome relief. I had spent so many years hiding who I really was and not only did it NOT help people to like me, but I lost myself in the process. No more hiding? I could handle that.

Then I grabbed a dictionary and discovered that, in addition to kind, gentle also means fair, moderate, not holding to the letter of the law. It considers the facts of the situation and behaves rationally, and is not argumentative. Quiet can mean making no noise, but it also means tranquil and peaceful. It is an inner peace that is not dependent on external circumstances.

This was not what I was expecting. God never expected me to change my personality. It is possible for me to be blunt but not argumentative, honest and yet fair, plain speaking and still full of grace. And I can talk. I don’t have to be literally quiet; rather when I talk, my words and my life should be filled with a serenity and certainty that comes from knowing and relying on God and not on whether everything in my life is going well. God expects me—us—to be fully, completely ourselves.

Today we have the ability to change our hair color and our eye color, but we can’t easily change our bone structure or our body shape. This is why beauty is not physically described in the Bible—because we have no control over our genetic makeup. And that is why beauty is not determined by the physical; beauty, true beauty, is determined by the things we control, the things we choose. It is determined by how we act and how we treat the people around us. When God decided that beauty would be about our inner person, He leveled the playing field and made beauty something that is possible for all women.

And for those of us who still struggle with the fact that we don’t measure up to society’s standard of beauty - consider Solomon’s love story found in his Song of Songs. Solomon wrote verse after verse extolling the desirableness of his Beloved, and yet she was considered unattractive according to the standards of the daughters of Jerusalem because she was not fair but was a dark beauty. In Song of Songs 4:7 Solomon sums up his thoughts about her when he says, “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”  I LOVE that!

Yes, I still struggle with feeling beautiful, but at last I know true beauty is attainable. While I do work on my outer beauty—haircuts, working out, wearing makeup—I also am intentional in working on my inner beauty as that is the beauty that will not fade. To remember what the verse means in all of its depth and detail I paraphrased it and I have included it below. Be encouraged knowing true beauty is possible!

Dyann’s Paraphrase 1 Peter 3:3-4:

 “We, all women, should not look to our hair, jewelry and clothes to define our beauty. Rather, our beauty should be defined by what shines out from within us - by the pieces of ourselves that we share with others. The qualities that make us truly beautiful with a beauty that does not fade are the qualities of fairness and equitable treatment, not flying off the handle but being moderate in behavior, not acting rashly but considering the facts and responding rationally, thinking about what we say before we say it, extending grace to others, not always having to be right, and being at peace, knowing that our lives and the circumstances of our life are in the hands of God. These qualities are the qualities that God values and considers beautiful.”