Bridal Shower

Today’s #FridayFocus blog is brought to you by the Mbiya-Beckner wedding, which will be celebrated the last Saturday of this month. This weekend, however, I am super excited to be getting ready for the bridal shower. I guess it may be unusual for the mother-of-the-groom to be part of the organization and planning, but since the bride’s family is from out of town, and in the case of her parents, out of her country, Alex’s sister was kind enough to let me help. I have to tell you, I am having a blast. 

 

I am making some desserts, doing small party favors, and handling games with prizes, so there has been lots of planning, lists, and trips to Target, Dollar General, as well as Amazon orders. My husband knows what’s going on, but can’t resist an eye roll as he nods in the direction of the front porch indicating another package has arrived. Hahah! So today’s post is sharing some of my shower fun with you! 

Next week I will share pictures of the desserts and final set-up! Stay tuned! 😊

Mother’s Day

Since it’s Mother’s Day, I am going to fore-go my usual #SimpleSunday post and share a bit of my life.  I lost my mom in June of 2019, a couple months after meeting the man I would marry. and while I miss my mom, today I am counting my blessings. I married into a wonderful family! 

I remember wondering what it would be like - blending families with adult kids. Your kids don’t stop being important to you when you remarry and I figured that would probably be the same for the person I married, so it was with a lot of apprehension that I met my husband’s kids and his granddaughter. I shouldn’t have worried - they have been wonderfully loving and accepting. 

You know who else has been accepting of my presence in the family? My husband’s ex-wife. Yup, she and I are friends and when there is a family get-together, whether my kids or her, she and I are both there. I am grateful. Here are some pictures of my amazing family. 

Sunsets

I never knew this would be a thing, but it turns out that being able to watch sunsets is pretty important to me. At least three times a week my husband comes into the living room and tells me I should head outside, so I grab my phone and I am never disappointed. I stopped posting them on social media because 1) pictures don’t do them justice, and 2) because a picture isn’t the same as seeing it in person, it’s just another picture of a sunset. But since here on my blog, it’s #whatihavebeenthinkingaboutWednesday, I am sharing some of my favorite sunset pictures. 

In sharing these, I hope you take the time to find beauty in the sunrises and sunsets and in other small things around you. 

How To Find Balance

 I wish there was a one-size-fits-all answer to this question but sadly, there isn’t. One person’s too much is another person’s too little and the discussions around parameters are never ending. While the things I suggest may not work for everyone, in sharing what helps me, hopefully there is a piece that helps you and we can all make progress.

 

Firstly, balance is respectful of the desires of everyone in the house. Last week I shared some pictures of my husband’s office – he has a lot of stuff and there are lots of memories connected to his stuff. We do have conversations around what, of his things, don’t need to be kept anymore, but in what he wants to keep, we have, in some situations, built our décor around it. Fortunately for him, I don’t need or like having nothing on the walls, but if there is going to be something on the walls, it must be symmetrical. Our compromise was he picked all the pictures he wanted hung and I determined how they would go on the walls – everyone is happy.  

 Second, balance recognizes that getting rid of everything isn’t the goal. My goal is a comfortable, attractive home that feels welcoming to us and those who visit us. When I met Robert and first visited his house, he had wax burners all over his house and I loved that there was a little light in every room, and they made the house smell wonderful. It was such a small thing, but it created an air of coziness that I loved. My dad bought my mom a China cup and saucer every anniversary for 25 years – I have some of those and they are displayed on a hutch that belonged to my brother David’s first wife, Marcy. It makes me so happy to see them and have them as part of my life.  

 Thirdly, balance recognizes that you do have to prioritize. We have all seen those episodes of hoarders where the stuff is piled dangerously high and yet they refuse to get rid of anything. Now granted, there is usually some kind of severe trauma impacting their ability to let go of things and that is valid, but for most of us, there has to be a place where we recognize and acknowledge the amount of space we have and figure out how to live well in that space.

  

As I read back through this it seems reasonable and doable, but if your situation is like my situation, the biggest part of the problem isn’t your stuff, it is the stuff other people have left you to deal with. That’s a big topic all on its own, so that’s where I will start next time. 

Minimalism

Here we are – Sunday again, and as we prepare for another week, I am back at my #SimpleSunday blog. I probably should have thought more about the order of my posts, but when I first started sharing more on my blog, it was like grasping at straws looking for ideas and the second I had a thought that could be expounded upon, I went with it instead of planning things out. So, maybe I am jumping around a bit, but each post has been a piece in my process.

 

Organization has always been a thing for me but as I have gotten older, I feel like I have gotten worse at it. A very wise person I know told me that it truly does get harder. As you become more aware of the brevity of life, and as you start lose people and find you have emotions that are tied to things, it becomes harder and harder to get rid of things. I think a logical progression, and one I looked hard at, was becoming more minimalist in my approach, because of course, if you have less things it is easier to keep them organized. I bought books, read posts, and watched Netflix movies about minimalism, in an effort to figure out how to simplify my life and much to my surprise, I was disturbed by what I saw in minimalism. 

Everyone knows that hoarding is a psychological disorder and we know that having a lot of things can create dangerous and unhealthy living situations and what I have observed is that when something is determined to be bad, like a pendulum, people swing in the opposite direction and think that’s better. But I feel like minimalism is the opposite end of the same bad stick. 

 

With the exception of books, I really like my books, I could probably get rid of a lot of things and live quite happily, but not everyone is like that. My husband lost his mom when he was 12 and has only his oldest brother left out of 3 brothers, parents, and grandparents – he still has a train his mom bought him before she died and he has numerous other things connected to family that he is very attached to. He will not get rid of them, and I am not asking him to let go of those things. 

You see, I watched as people talked about owning two backpacks full of stuff and how it made them nervous to acquire more than that as they wanted to be able to pick and go anytime they wanted. Yes, it was easy for them to pick up and go, but they had no roots, no grounding, and in some situations the desire to be minimalist was in conflict with what other family members wanted – some of it struck me as just as unhealthy as too much stuff. 

That’s when I realized that I want - what I think most people want is balance and balance is hard to quantify. That’s why there are so many self-help books on organization and simplifying your life – because what qualifies as too much or too little is different for everyone and the solutions to the problem are just as varied.

 

It was a relief to realize that getting rid of everything wasn’t the answer for me – a minimalistic life felt like one more unreachable goal, but balance, balance feels more attainable. How I achieve balance will be part of the topic next time. 😊 

 

Late to the Game

So, it’s #watchathinkinWednesday and this week I am thinking about how I am always running behind. Not as in late, but as in finding the cool thing years after everyone else. Like songs – I haven’t always been crazy about country music, but last year I heard a song that I loved. I looked it up and yup, https://youtu.be/8PvebsWcpto 10 years old. The movie Tombstone is 30 years old and when did I first see it? Three years ago, hmmm, and yes, I initially watched under duress only to discover that wow – everyone else was right! Go figure. It is the same for this book I am currently reading.

A friend suggested the book  – he thought the message would resonate and it does. I mentioned the book to my cousin last week and guess what? Yeah, she has already read it, but since it came out in 2015, I guess I am not surprised. 

 

Always late to the game? No, I don’t feel like I am – I am happy to get to the game whenever I arrive. I have been late a lot and yet, I am right on time for me. If I would have read the book when it came out, I wouldn’t have gotten out of then what I am getting out of it now.

 

So, maybe I am late to the game, but at least I have showed up. 

 

 

Big Changes

Here we are – another Sunday, so another post on #simpleSundays. A couple weeks ago I mentioned my trick of writing down 3 things - 3 things I need to get done once I get home from work to make the most of my time and increase my productivity, and how it is actually working for me. But as I thought about it, I realized there was something pretty important about my 3 things that I didn’t share. 

 

The beginning of December I changed my eating habits drastically. Around Thanksgiving I found a mass in my rib cage and it scared me. I immediately went to see my doctor and she thinks it is a lipoma (fatty tumor and they are benign), and ordered an MRI, which for various reasons hasn’t happened yet. However, the mass and just generally feeling terrible was the motivation I needed to make some necessary changes. I started off following a carnivore diet. Yes, that’s right – meat only, and it turned out to be great place for me to start. 

 I had no idea how food was affecting me, and I feel foolish for admitting that – it seems like such an obvious thing, but when I had food I shouldn’t have eaten and then was depressed for days afterwards, I knew where it stemmed from because there was only one thing that had changed. It was the same with energy levels – eat lots of carbs and I go into nap mode. And that isn’t even considering inflammation and joint aches and pains. 

 

I mention this because if I wouldn’t have changed my eating habits then, I wouldn’t be coming home from work and doing anything except crashing on the couch. I can expect to do something when I get home, because I have more energy to get things done. 

 

I follow more of a Keto diet now, but still with very limited carb intake. I have done a lot of research and take a lot of vitamins and specific supplements to make sure I am supporting my body. Have I lost of lot of weight? Nope, I haven’t. My physical body has had a hard time of it the last few years and healing it, through diet and supplements and gentle exercise, is going to take time.

Yes, I will continue to watch what I eat, I will keep measuring and logging my food, I will keep following a Keto diet because I feel so much better, and because I feel better, I am getting things done!