Searching for Good!

It has been too long since my last blog post, but I honestly have not known what to write about.  Life is hard right now.  I never, ever thought I would be going through a divorce, but here I am – thinking about who gets what and wondering if (after more than 20 years of marriage) that was originally mine or if it was his.  Quite frankly, it sucks!!  While this is my reality, I do not want my blog to be negative or depressing.  This is partly because (I never thought I would say this) I love writing!!  Well, I love writing if there is no formatting involved and I am not trying to answer four specific questions with each answer being between 100-200 words or if I don’t have to come up with 4 pages, double-spaced on why I believe this or that.  Yes, I am a student and although I have to do a lot of writing for homework, it is NOT the same! J  Writing my blog has turned into something I really enjoy and I do not want that to change.  The other and bigger reason why I don’t want my blog to be negative is because negativity does not encourage a positive outlook and I want to have a positive outlook on life.  I want to be the kind of person people are glad to see and not the kind where people duck and run so they don’t have to listen to me recite my list of woes, or write my list of woes as would be the case in a blog.  Because I aspire to be the kind of person who brings hope and encouragement to those who are struggling, I look for hope and encouragement in the situations and people around me.  When you go looking for “good” you can find it; here are some of the good things I have found recently.

            ~I recently had coffee with a friend and we talked about many things – kids, housecleaning, and struggles with weight – it was a conversation made up of the ordinary things that make up our lives; the mundane that becomes precious in light of the “C” word.  My friend is a cancer survivor. 

            ~I sat in church Sunday, as did billions of people around the world, rejoicing that there is life after death!  In my case I have not gone through a literal death, but the death of the life I knew, had dreamed of, and worked hard to keep.   How encouraging to realize that this is not the end for me.

            ~ When I went to church this Sunday I was greeted with hugs from friends, special friends that I have known since college.  They are in their own valley right now grieving, as so many parents do, the choices and decisions of their children.  Yet I watched them sing and smile and reach out to others around them.  In their own hurt they were giving.  And most importantly, I watched them hold tight (figuratively) to each other. 

   

            ~I was able to hang out with my niece, Kaylee, this weekend.  We watched The Muppets together (again) and had a great time being silly!  She thought the “Mahna Mahna” from the Muppets was funny so I would do the “Mahna-mahna” and she followed with “Du-du-di-du-du.”  In the course of our time together she told me I was the most beautiful person ever and that “I rock!”  Ok, so she is 6.  I hope when she is 14 she still thinks that about me.  But if not, I will still remember how great it felt to receive affirmation from a child.

I was recently reminded of this scene from the movie, The Two Towers and was struck by the truth spoken. 

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

There are many days I feel like Frodo and feel like I can’t do this – all this that is ahead of me.  And like Sam said - it IS ALL wrong, many of us should not be going through the situations we find ourselves in.  But a new day does come; the shadow does pass.  And when the sun shines, I don’t know if it really shines out clearer, or if we appreciate the brightness and clarity more because of the darkness we have experienced.  There IS good in this world, and it is worth looking, seeking, searching for, grasping, clinging, holding onto, and keeping by whatever means necessary.    

Caramel Swirl Hunks!

Another Recipe!

After venting in my last blog I decided it was time for another recipe.  A topic considerably more popular and enjoyable! 

Several years ago I acquired a new cookbook.  Actually, I bought it as a gift for my daughter who has inherited my love of baking.  The name of the cookbook is what grabbed my attention: “A Passion for Baking” by Marcy Goldman.   I have a passion for baking, Katheryne is working on a passion for baking, so I decided to buy it and see what it offered; I have not been disappointed!!  In fact, I loved the cookbook so much bought a copy for myself when Katheryne left home for college and took her cookbook with her.  The wonderful thing about this cookbook is it includes sweet and savory recipes: bread, scones, biscotti, cheesecake, pies, cakes, muffins, and of course, cookies and cookie bars.   So many good recipes!

My kids and I love chocolate!!  I have several favorite brownie recipes, which will be shared at some point, but it is nice to have a change-up every now and then.  This recipe is the perfect change-up.  It is baked in a 9x13 pan so you have the ease of brownies, and it has chocolate chips in it, so there is a little chocolate.  But the batter is a wonderful butter and brown sugar combination with caramel swirled over the top…awesome!!  They were a huge hit every time I took them to work for a potluck and be warned – they are dense and heavy!  So enough talk; here is the recipe.

Caramel Swirl Hunks

2 cups unsalted butter, melted

3 cups firmly packed light brown sugar

1/3 cup white sugar

4 large eggs

4 tsps. Vanilla

1 cup quick oats

4 cups all purpose flour

1 tsp. baking powder

½ tsp. baking soda

½ tsp. salt

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 13.4 ounce can dulce de leche

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Generously spray a 9x13 pan with nonstick cooking spray and place pan on a baking sheet.

Blend butter and sugars.  Add eggs, vanilla, and oats and blend well.  Fold in dry ingredients and then chocolate chips.

Spread batter in prepared baking pan.  Top with dollops of dulce de leche and swirl dulce de leche into batter.

Bake brownies for 38 minutes or until batter is set (not wobbly or jiggly).  If brownies seem browned around the edges but jiggly in the center, reduce oven temperature to 325 degrees and continue baking 10-15 minutes or until set.

Refrigerate for 1 hour and cut into squares.

This recipe will not taste the same if you substitute margarine for the butter.  If you use salted butter just omit the salt from the recipe.  And the last time I made them I had to turn the oven temperature down and bake them for almost another 25 minutes; they still taste great!

A Passion for Baking

ESP?

I think perhaps I missed out on something.  There must have been a class teaching the finer points of communication not involving actual words (ESP – some other form of telepathy perhaps?) that was offered at certain schools throughout the US, or maybe only in certain states, in certain months of certain years.  And it must have been a deep dark governmental secret because I have met many people who, like myself, also missed out on the class.  And if there was no class, then we also missed the memo that words were no longer necessary for communication.  But those of us who missed out seem to be part of the minority, because there are a lot of people out there who think we should just “know” we have done something to hurt their feelings without that being communicated to us.   

Here is an example of what I am talking about.  I know of someone who was talking with a friend and after conversing for several hours found out the friend was upset with them.  When this person found out the other person was upset they said, “Why didn’t you say something?”  The other person responded, “You didn’t ask.”  Really?

In another situation I know of, the person has been angry and offended for more than 20 years and they are growing increasingly angry.  But they have never said anything to the people who they felt hurt them, so they remain angry and the other party has never been given the opportunity to make things right.

The scary thing is these people appear to be reasonably intelligent adults.  There is nothing to indicate this completely illogical approach to human relationships.   How is a person supposed to “know” someone else is upset with them?  If you are around the person a lot then you may be able to pick up some of the non-verbal clues that would indicate something is wrong.  But if you don’t know the person well, and don’t spend a lot of time around them, how are you supposed to know something is wrong?   

Seriously, I don’t understand this approach to relationships.  A relationship, by definition, involves more than one person.  Aren’t both people responsible for how the relationship goes?   

So I have been trying to imagine how to avoid this in the future.  After all, those of you who know me well know that I will be unable to avoid offending someone.  I was thinking that perhaps I should start calling my friends/family/random acquaintances every six weeks or so and apologize for anything I might have said or done that offended them.  Perhaps a mass mailing, or better yet, a Facebook message sent to all my friends...just in case.   Based on that thought, I don’t think I have time for any more friends; I will have a hard time keeping up with the ten friends I have. 

If there is a moral to my venting it is this – it is a sign of respect and a true demonstration of caring to tell someone when your feelings are hurt because of something they said or did.  Your caring enough to bring up the subject demonstrates that you are assuming the best about the other person by giving them a chance to apologize and make things right.   It is not easy – not the confronting or the apologizing.  Life is made up of relationships, relationships make life worthwhile, and most things that are worthwhile are not easy. 

Pain

Pain

Like a river with no current

And the ocean with no tide,

Like a choir with no harmony

And a playground with no slide,

Like a sunset with no colors

And a storm with no rain,

There is no joy, no pleasure,

In a life that knows no pain.

Like a song with no melody,

Like a house with no door,

Like a sailboat with no wind,

Or a rowboat with no oar,

There is no going forward.

There is no growth, no gain,

No hope or expectation

In a life that knows no pain.

As diamonds are made under pressure,

And pearls were once grains of sand,

So do not take my pain from me,

It is making me who I am.

My "Gift" List!

One of my favorite movies growing up was Pollyanna starring Haley Mills.  I loved watching the transformation that took place in the movie.  When she first arrived at her aunt’s house no one was glad to see her and they treated her as though she was a burden.  But by the end of the movie every person she had come in contact with was different – better, because they knew her.  She seemed to be unaffected by her aunt’s harsh and cold behavior and I was amazed that instead of being hurt or offended she looked for the best in people and for things to be “glad” about; she called it the “Glad Game.”  

I mentioned in an earlier post that I have been reading a book called, “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp.  It is a book that has not been an easy read for me, as the author’s writing style is different.  But it has a challenging and compelling message.  She shares how her search for “gifts” or things to be glad about has transformed her life and she encourages others to look for the “gifts” in their life.   So I have started a “gift” list and I play my own version of the “glad” game and today I am going to share a few of those “gifts” with you!

1.     Sunshine – if you live in New York state or Ohio you know what I mean!!

2.     Hope

3.     My first cup of coffee in the morning.

4.     Music – Yesterday it was Nickelback and Five For Fighting

5.     Watching the squirrels scamper up the pole that holds the bird feeder to dump more birdseed on the ground.  

6.     New Beginnings

7.     Laughing with my daughter while watching one of our favorite movies.

8.     A new hairstyle.

9.     Dinner…when made by someone else.

10. An apartment full of college students - shared laughter and lively discussion!

11. Dreaming – about the future, about possibilities, about things that may never happen!!

12. Answers to prayer

13. Forgiveness…feels so wonderful!

14. The flowers on my entertainment center.

It is hard to be gloomy and depressed when you are looking for little pieces of beauty throughout your day and it changes your perspective to look for good things instead of bad.  By the end of 2012 I hope to have at 1000 things on my “gift” list.  But even more, I hope that my looking for the good, in people and in life, will be a habit that forever changes me.  

   

What a difference a day makes...

On Monday I was in pretty tough shape.  I was okay physically, but very discouraged.  I have been trying to find a job for about two months and despite sending out what feels like hundreds of resumes, I had received no response.  I work 10 hours a week in a college cafeteria making dinner for the students and serving them as they go through the food line.  I love to cook, so learning to cook for 60 has been interesting and I enjoy talking and interacting with the students so I like the job.  But 10 hours a week is not enough money to pay my bills and either I have to find either another job in addition to my current job, or get a full time job.   I have been hoping for a full-time job.

Last weekend I submitted my resume to an employment agency in hopes they had a job available.  When I submitted my resume via email I told them I would call and schedule an appointment to meet with them during the week.  So I called the employment agency Monday morning and was able to go in and speak with someone Monday afternoon.  Interestingly enough, my resume never made it to the office so the person I met with had no idea who I was.  I filled out an application and handed her a copy of my resume and we talked.   We talked for about an hour.  She asked questions about my work experience, what my goals are (my major for my Bachelors degree is religion – does this mean I intend to be a minister?), specific skills I have, and what kind of job I wanted.  She told me I have some great job skills, but my resume needed to be more specific, more detailed, and that even experience 20 years back should be listed.   She also encouraged me personally by telling me she knew if I could get in the door for an interview, I would get the job; it was obvious to her that I am capable, intelligent, and could do any job put before me.  In the course of hour I went from feeling like I was incapable and hopeless to someone who could do anything and for whom the possibilities were endless.  I left her office with confidence and felt encouraged to keep trying to find a job.

I did tweek my resume doing all of the things she suggested, so it was more detailed and specific.  With my newly tweeked resume and a new sense of confidence, I started looking through the online job boards again and found two jobs apply for.  But these jobs were different then the jobs I had previously applied for.  Instead of applying for something safe, I stepped up and applied for jobs I knew I could do based on job requirements and experience, but would have hesitated to apply for in the past.   The one job had me do a kind of interview online.  They asked a question and I typed my response in an answer space.  There were seven questions and I was able to use examples from previous jobs and demonstrate what I know about doing the job they are hiring for and give them an idea of my interpersonal skills.  If I did well on this pre-interview, they would contact me about an in-person interview.  They called yesterday and I have an interview on Tuesday.  I went from no response when I submitted a resume to having an interview within two days of submitting a resume.  

Was it my newly redone resume, my applying for the right job, or God’s timing that landed me the interview?  I imagine some combination of the three.  There is no guarantee that I will get this job; I know that.  But I also know that I will forever look back on the appointment Monday, February 13^th as a turning point in my life.  Before the appointment I had the determination to get a job and move forward in my life, but lacked the confidence; now I have the determination and confidence.  And that makes me unstoppable.  What a difference a day makes!!

Southwest Dip!

I mentioned in an earlier post that I love to read.  And I do!  I also love to bake.  It may seem random to mention these two things together, but they are connected.  I not only love to read, but I can and love to read the same books over and over.  There are books that I have turned to again and again…so much so that they are more like old friends now.  They are uplifting, comforting, and can be counted on.  It is the same with some of my recipes.  Growing up I did a lot of baking.  My brothers loved homemade cookies and there was usually a crew of kids outside playing basketball with my brothers and they were willing to eat homemade cookies too! Since I hadn’t done much baking at that point, many of the basic recipes were an experiment for me, so I tried a lot of different cookie, brownie, and other cookie bar recipes to see what I liked.  Now, after a lot of years of baking, I have some recipes that are like my books – they can be counted on.  I have made them so often they are a part of my family and they never fail to make me look good.  This is one of those recipes.

Southwest Dip

2 tomatoes, chopped

½ small onion, finely chopped

1 15 oz. can of corn

1 bunch of cilantro, finely chopped

2 ripe avocadoes

1 Tbsp. olive oil

1 Tbsp. Lemon juice

1 Tbsp. Brown and spicy mustard

Lemon Pepper, salt and garlic powder to taste

Combine everything in a bowl and serve with tortilla chips.

This is a never-fail party hit.  Leftovers taste wonderful with scrambled eggs in the morning or you can serve it as a salad with hamburgers.  But it is also very adaptable.  You can omit the corn and use black beans.  You can add chopped jicama, zucchini or summer squash, and for a tropical flair, chopped mango.  The only thing you need to do is to make sure that as you increase the vegetables you use, you use more chopped cilantro.  The cilantro is what makes the dip special.  

Enjoy!